Posts by Smoldering Wick

4

Jehovah Witness Jokes

by LB in

jw
friends

what do you get if you cross a jehovah's witness with an agnostic?

someone who calls at your door, but doesn't really know why.

what do you get when you cross a jw with a hells angel?.

Smoldering Wick

I actually laughed at some of the jokes on this website:

http://www.virushead.net/jwhumor.html

I'll post a few...

Jehovah's Witness Computer Virus: Deletes all but 144000 select files.

I'm a Jehovah's Bystander. We's like the Witnesses, only we don't wanna get involved.
- Flip Wilson While traveling near Tampa, Florida I passed the "Jehovah's Witness Assembly Hall" and was struck by the fact that that must be where they make them.
- Gene Spafford What do you get when you cross a devil worshipper with a Jehovah's Witness?
Someone who goes from door to door telling people to go to hell. What do you get when you cross a Mafia soldier with a Jehovah's Witness?
Lots of converts. What does Hannibal Lector call a Jehovah's Witness? Free delivery!
- Jay Leno I could never be a Jehovah's Witness... I didn't see the accident. As far as I know, Jehovah didn't hit anybody.
- Greg Taylor My Avon lady just became a Jehovah's Witness. That may not mean much to you, but it saves me one more trip to the door.
- George Carlin

I saw justice in action today for the first time ever. I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah's Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.
- Lou Eisen

Do you know what it's like to have one already in the house?
- Julie Barr (comedian) about her sister, a JW

How many Jehovah's Witnesses does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to knock on your door and ask you if you've seen the light! Ask a Jehovah's Witness: If Jesus were in the hospital and needed an operation, could he get a blood transfusion from God? I learned something the other day. I learned the Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don't like strangers going up to their door and annoying them.
- Bruce Clark

69

Jesus is God

by SwedishChef in

here is a large collection of verses which prove the deity of christ:.

isaiah 6-7 6. for unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called wonderful, counseller, the mighty god, the everlasting father, the prince of peace.

7. of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of david, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever.

Smoldering Wick

Jesus ------------o------------ God

This used to be one of my favorite forms of cheap entertainment...watching "Christians" spew hatred towards other "Christians," (even condemning each other to eternal damnation) over a game of Trinity pingpong during online chat.

I even jumped in and learned I could play Trinity pingpong all by myself! (I became a master-debater!)

I wonder how long it takes some to learn a lesson in futility?

Does it really matter if I believe in Tom and you believe in Jerry, or that Tom is actually Jerry...or that Tom is bigger than Jerry? I mean they are in the same wonderful cartoon! Can't we all just sit quietly and watch the show?

~wick

23

Any advice what to do?

by cecil in

hi folks.

it has been almost a year since my last posting.

my wife and i have tried to move on with our lives, since we decided to stop being "active" about 14 months ago.

Smoldering Wick

metatron,

That does work. But, then they'll say..."we all get depressed at times...you just need to pray more, rely on Jehovah, and get back to the meetings & field service." (that's the JW cure for depression lol)

Cecil,

You could tell them you have a rare social phobia and just the thought of stepping into a Kingdom hall throws you into convulsions....or you've developed a severe allergy to monotonous speakers that causes you to go into Anaphylactic Shock whenever you hear the word Armageddon.

~Wick

Edited by - Smoldering Wick on 22 November 2002 12:56:36

23

Any advice what to do?

by cecil in

hi folks.

it has been almost a year since my last posting.

my wife and i have tried to move on with our lives, since we decided to stop being "active" about 14 months ago.

Smoldering Wick

Hi Cecil,

I've been "inactive" for four years and have been able to dodge the big DF successfully (for now). It is a very big decision to allow the JWs to disfellowship you. Most of us who were raised as witnesses have too many reasons why getting disfellowshipped isn't right for us. Only we can be the judge in our own lives.

What has worked for me is to just be cordial and try not to get caught in any of their word traps. For instance, if they ask you the dreaded "apostate" question...be prepared. The elders are looking for certain responses from you.

When I was asked "If I thought that Jehovah's Witnesses were God's earthly channel here on earth today?" ...I just said "I'm not sure, I have my doubts."

They cannot disfellowship you for doubting. Even they have doubts.

I was going to email you a link to a thread I started about one of my encounters with the local elders...but, since I see your email is private, here it is.

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=22406&site=3

p.s. turning off the lights and pretending you aren't home works too...it's a JW trick I learned for Halloween.

~Wick

34

Hello, just thought I'd share my newbie story

by WingCommander in

jw
friends

since i am new on this forum, just thought i'd share my story.

(though it seems typical on here) born into jw's.

parent's nutty jw friends told them to raise children like nazi's, and not allow them to do anything, or associate with anyone other than jw kids.

Smoldering Wick

Hi Wing...

Nice to meet you. We know exactly how you feel. So many of us come from the same place.

Just know that we love you.

Wick

15

lonley in TX

by bdaniela6 in

i am a single sister and currently live in tx.

i am very interested in meeting a brother with whom i can share the truth with.

i work a lot and often i find that there is no one to share my beliefs and feelings with.

Smoldering Wick

Anyone live in Southern Texas?

---------------> [email protected]

16

funny field service moments anyone...

by hannibal in

jw
friends

out in feild service many years ago a freind of mine was at the .

door with a middle aged mentally challanged guy from the hall,.

it was his turn to give a presentation and being challenged he.

Smoldering Wick

This story was related to me by an elder's wife. (so of course it's got to be true lol)

An older elder and ministerial servant were pulling up to the next house. Their wives were in the back seat. The two brothers got out and started heading to the house. Meanwhile, the wives are watching a man standing in his bathrobe on the front lawn. They noticed the bathrobe was open, he was nakid and the man was "pleasuring" himself in plain view with his right hand. Then they see their husbands stepping accross the lawn to greet the man...the man puts up his right hand and gives them both a firm handshake. Needless to say, the wives in the car were pretty grossed out. lol When the elder & his companion got back into the car and were told the news....the elder drove (with his arms not hands) as quick as he could to the nearest McDonald's to wash with soap and hot water.

15

lonley in TX

by bdaniela6 in

i am a single sister and currently live in tx.

i am very interested in meeting a brother with whom i can share the truth with.

i work a lot and often i find that there is no one to share my beliefs and feelings with.

Smoldering Wick

Hi Daniela!

I'm not a brother...and I may not share your beliefs....

BUT, I do live in TEXAS!

One outta Three ain't bad!

Welcome to the board! LOTS OF FRIENDS HERE!

~Smoldering

17

walking around with a bar of gold...

by happysunshine in

does anybody else deal with this kind of situation?

my current partner of 2 years is very cute, sexy, and exotic.

great, right?

Smoldering Wick

If You Wanna Be Happy
Jimmy Soul

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small
And very often causes his downfall
As soon as he married her and then she starts
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife
A-you'll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time
And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Sax solo

Don't let your friends say you have no taste
Go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match
Take it from me, she's a better catch

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Spoken:
Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

I'm so glad my husband didn't listen to that song. lol

12

Exjws..or not

by Brummie in

jw
friends

are you an exjw or not an exjw anymore...?

3 statements i heard people make: .

i am not an exjw anymore.

Smoldering Wick

If a really FAT person lost 100 lbs...would he/she want to be thought of as an EX-Fat Person forever? Or would that one gradually move on to think of themself as a thin person?

I've also heard many boast about being an EX-Bethelite, Ex-Pioneer (I've used that one!) or an Ex-Elder...Keeping that EX title LONG after leaving as a sort of EX-JW rite of passage.

Whatever we want to call ourselves, it doesn't change the fact that we were once JWs.

We can't deny it.

If some former JW wants to drop the EX...maybe it means they've just moved on with their life.

I envy them.

~Smoldering

of the "Supercalifrag-ilistic Ex-JW halitosis" class